Does God really need to test us so we can discover what our character really is made of? Really, is this necessary? Let me tell you a true life story that happen to me recently.
As many of you that have been following me know I was widowed just over 3 years ago. I am now ready to get on with my life. I have begun to ask God to send the right man into my life. I have even described the characteristics I am seeking. I do not know the first thing about looking for a suitable mate so I am just carrying on with my normal life but leaving room for God to reveal the person he has for me.
I am a very outdoorsy type of person love kayaking, biking, hiking, etc. I am outdoors until there is no more daylight. I am also very involved in my communities. I live in an area where it is very easy to be involved not only where I live but also neighboring communities. I have gotten to know hundreds of people in the last couple of years and I love it here.
About a month ago I purchased a new kayak so I’d have one for me and one to loan out so others can have fun on the water with me. I have a carrier that mounts on the roof of my SUV to haul them around. I was trying to get the roof rack adjusted so the yaks would ride balanced on it. I was struggling like crazy and could not get it to adjust when one of the local police officers saw me struggling stopped and offered to help. I was very grateful especially when I discovered the rack would not have adjusted without two people sliding the bracket at the same time. He stayed and visited for over a half hour. I showed him my new investment and he shared he wanted to buy a fishing yak. I had just purchased one and he checked it out. We discussed our families and the joys of living in a very small community on a beautiful lake. I took note that he was a handsome officer.
Over the course of the next few days I noticed he drove by the house frequently. And when I drove through the neighborhood he was frequently around. When I would go to the lake to put the yak in he would show up and park on top of the cliff and observe. I actually was comforted by the fact that there was an officer present while I kayaked alone on the lake because I knew if I got into trouble someone was close by. I began to wonder about him.
In my little town the police, fire and community center are all in one building. The fire station not only houses the firetrucks but also the zuma class and various other meetings. You can almost count our residents on your fingers and toes. I attended our monthly ladies auxiliary meeting and he made a point to come into the room to greet us. Ok I have now noticed him.
We hosted a community party and I had opportunity to observe and visit with him. He seemed unattached and very available. He asked for my number so I gave it to him. He text me that evening, very polite and the such. I began to think maybe this is the man God is allowing in my life. So I began to get to know him, but still a little cautious because I really did not know him very well at all. He was everything I was looking for in a man, handsome, kind, considerate, complimentary, affectionate, hard working, etc.
I had a strong desire to learn about his previous relationship, don’t know why, I just needed to ask. So one evening while he was over and we were visiting I asked him if he was single. Good question, right?!? And he said casually, no. I’m like WHAT? “Are you in the process of getting a divorce?” And he answered, “no.” So I asked, “Are you filing for a divorce?” Again he answered, “no.” He said he no longer lived with his wife. I am floored. I am speechless. I am in shock.
I have never in my life encountered this. I know it goes on but not in my life it doesn’t. I was faithfully married all those years and never once was unfaithful. I have never and will never commit adultery or even consider it! I cannot believe this has happened to me. I want to look on the bright side and say at least someone found me attractive and even desirable so there is hope for someone else. But I am upset. I wake with headaches now and have little desire to even eat. It has been over 3 years since my husband died and I have not dated at all and this happens, yuck is all I can say.
So, is God tricking me or testing me? Or did I just simply get thrown a curve ball in this upside down life we have the privilege of living in? Thankfully I am not desperate. I made a decision a long time ago to live a life of integrity no matter what. And today I get to walk it out. He continues to text and call me so I have to be utterly clear with him which will put me in a very vulnerable position.
This one thing I ask: please, no more test, God. I’ve met my quota for this lifetime!