“Thoughts from the Heart” Written 2/24/12

“You have a lot to share and I wanted to give you opportunity to do that,” I was told one morning.

In order put thoughts on paper an individual first must believe in themselves. The individual must believe that indeed they have something worth sharing – something that another person needs or wants to know or read.

I have never had a strong desire to be heard. Nor have I believed I have this vast knowledge that must be shared – instead I prefer to touch lives one at a time. I like to get to the heart of an issue and seek an answer that brings relief. I have been told that have wisdom but I tend to believe I have simply learned life’s lessons along the way and freely share as ones seek to know. Although I have spoken to hundreds at a time on many occasions it is not something that I feel I must do.

As I look at leadership, mentoring, being a role model and so on, I suppose I can say with certainty that I am indeed called in this way. Even after great tragedy and loss in my own life I am unable to escape this call to leadership that is upon me. I say escape because I have tried to shake this off of me for several years now but the call to leadership keeps chasing after me. And I find myself over and over again with ones following even when I don’t know where I am going.

So what is it that makes one a leader even when they don’t want to be? Is it personality? Is it charisma? Or simply an inner drive that keeps pushing the person forward in a positive way that causes others to be attracted to what they perceive to be reality?

I am in a place of introspection and yes I know it is a dangerous spot to be in. But I want to know what drives me. What causes me to get up in the mornings? Why do I keep putting one foot in front of the other even when I don’t want to? What is it at my very core, my very most inner being that keeps me breathing each day? What is the true motive of my heart?

Just as a heart has a normal rhythm that it beats with each passing moment, our lives also have a rhythm. In the natural a heart attack occurs when blood flow to a part of the heart is blocked for a long enough time and that part of the heart muscle is damaged or dies. The rhythm of my life has been obstructed much like a natural heart attack and in many ways I am in recovery and learning to use a part of me that has been paralyze from the trauma. And in that recovery comes discovery. I look forward to learning who I am and what it is that I am to be about doing. But for now this leader must lay down the mantle of leadership and do what is necessary to heal. Because one day I will again rise and pick up the mantle that was placed on my life long ago – and be the pioneer that I am called to be.

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