When I lost my rock I lost my way. My world shook. And everything that could fall came tumbling down, came crashing down around me, and I was left trembling. And now I've lost my way and I've not been able to find it. I've been lost in this vast world wandering around aimlessly trying and trying and trying to find my way. I've gone here and said is this where I'm supposed to be. I've gone there and said is this is where I'm supposed to be. And I've gone to the ends everywhere but nowhere am I supposed to be.
And now I sit here and wonder, is this where I'm supposed to be? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this really my purpose in the world?
I pray prayers. And earnestly seek God for the answers. But the answers that come, make me question if God even listening to me. Do I even believe that God would send the answers that have come? I don't know anymore. I say how can this be!! How could God allow this answer to come when he knows I so earnestly sought him and prayed to him? What is this about?!
And so here I sit confused. Still wandering around aimlessly in this world. Wondering if this is really where I'm supposed to be. But there is no answer.
How I long to find purpose and fulfillment again. How long to find love and happiness again. How long to find contentment and enjoyment in all that is around me again. I try earnestly to be happy in all that is around me but eventually catches up with me. Eventually reality slaps me in the face and I'm keenly aware of the fact that my world came crashing down around me and there's nothing I can do about it.
To look at me on the outside you would think I have everything that I ever want. But stuff without relationship, family, love, being surrounded by people is mere nothingness.