Character

imageJohn Maxwell recently wrote a blog post on character http://goo.gl/fb/hSXjO

It caused me to think. There are a lot of things that cause me to think.

I created this blog and my twitter account with an anonymous identification because I honestly did not know what would come out of me in my pain. I know a person’s real internal character will leak out all over when they are broken and hurting. In ministry and in life in general I see this all the time. I know some people are so embarrassed by their behavior when they were hurting once they recover. Makes sense to me, I always give an abundance of grace and mercy to people in crisis.

What has surprised me about myself is that I have discovered I am a good person. I am a person I would be friends with. I would like me if I weren’t me!

I have discovered I am the same person broken as I am when I was whole. Why should I hide then? Maybe because I am so insecure now. Maybe because I lived so many years in ministry mode that if I reveal my identity I may start holding my breath with each word I express. Maybe because I have been hit so hard by those that I thought loved me unconditionally that I can’t trust anymore. Maybe my vessel is so broken I don’t know if it can be put back together now. Maybe because I am alone with no emotional support and I am afraid if I get another hit it may knock me over the edge. And maybe I really want to keep living and I really want to find life again.

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2 thoughts on “Character

  1. Loving your honesty. And your honesty helps me be more honest and helps me give myself permission to let it out and look at it. We don’t have to have all the answers, do we? That gives me relief as well. Thanks.

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