It grieved my heart tremendously to learn my late husband married me not because he loved me but because he needed someone to raise his son. Would I have married him if I had of known that? Absolutely not.
I deserved better. But being the faithful person I am I stayed with him all those years and sought to win his heart. Something I don’t believe I ever accomplished.
I raised his son as if he were my own I love him with all my heart. I adopted him when he was five. I remember I waited until he was old enough to know what it was that I was doing. And when we went to see the judge I remember the judge asking him do you want her to be your mother. Of course I was the only mother he knew so he said yes. I’m just that easy the adoption was complete.
The judge had a huge smile on his face and said let me escort you to records and we will get your name on the birth certificate. When we arrived to the records department to my horror and to the judges horror my husband refused to allow me to have my name placed on my son’s birth certificate. The judge told my husband it is normal for the adopting parent have their name placed on the birth certificate. But my husband refused and the judge was about to override him when I said no that’s fine we’ll leave the name as it is. So the judge placed my son’s adoption paper before the birth certificate so that everyone will know he was my son.
I knew that I was in for the fight of my life if I had changed the name on that certificate that day. I knew my late husband would never forgive me. Our marriage was already strained enough.
My husband never really let me be my son’s mother. He fought every decision I made And overruled every discipline that I tried to give. He accused me being partial with our other children So I had to discipline the others worse than I discipline my son in order to prevent my husband from fighting with me. I so hated my life.
And it wasn’t until my son grew up and moved away and began living on his own that he realized life at home was not normal. Since his father died we don’t discuss how he was raised. I’ve never discussed the way that his dad treated him so differently from the others. I know that he knows there was a major difference. I know the other children know that they were treated differently because they have talked to me about it. Someday I would like to talk to him about it but I don’t think he can handle it.
In many ways my son doesn’t acknowledge me as his mother. He went to college or seminary he was able to acquire a scholarship because he said he is an orphan. And he is able to make that claim because my name does not appear on his birth certificate. His birth mother died of a heart attack when he was just a few months old.
You know my heart broke when I learned what he did by claiming to be an orphan. It was all I could do to not confront him. I’m a very truth motivated person and that was the furthest thing from the truth. He is not an orphan I am his mother I raised him. I love him. I took care of him when he was sick. I took care of him when he was healthy. I taught him right from wrong. I taught him to read and to write.
I still love my son. He will always be my son.