Communion at the Garden Tomb, Jerusalem

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I had an encounter with the Living God while taking communion at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem on January 23, 2013 while sitting on the bench in the photo. I have been crying out to God to help me to overcome this overwhelming sense on loss and grief following the death of my husband and the loss of my church. I have not been able to identify what th e source of my despondency is. The Word of The Lord came to me while taking communion.

Jesus was betrayed by Judas for 30 shekels. I likeJudas was betrayed for dollars. I sensed Father asked me what I wanted Him to do to those that betrayed me. Wow, what a question. What should I answer? Should I have their head on a platter like John the Baptist? No, I desire no harm to come to them. But I do desire the leaders be removed from the position and the right person, God’s person, to be placed over the church. That will surly give me some comfort knowing the church is in God’s hands and in the hands of a trader.

I had a dream list night. I dreamed I was traveling with my children and went back to the church and a lady that I knew in the dream but do not know in real life greeted me and she told me she loved and hated me. I did not need to ask why I knew why. I knew she felt I had abandoned them. I told her the truth, I told her I did not leave of my own free will but I was expelled but I do not believe she believed me. Then I saw someone I knew that had a baby and she gave gave me the baby to hold and carry around. I was so happy to have the little one again.

After a bit one of the children came and told me the Grandfather had become ill and I went to help but he died. It was a very emotional time. All of a sudden I realized I no longer had the baby and I could not remember where I left it. I decided to return to see if I had given it back to it’s Mother then I woke up.

Interpretation.
I believe the baby represents the church. Maybe the church was not mine, maybe I was just caring for it for a time. And the Grandfather dying represents my husband dying and I let go of the church to go care for him and lost the church. I am not sure who is caring for it but I hope it is in the Mothers (God’s) hands. End of interpretation

If this is in fact true then what is it that I am to be doing? Was I not in God’s perfect will? Or is this what He allowed because when I went there I did not know his voice and I did not know how to find my way. So now I must find my way and with God’s help I will.

What does all this mean for me now. Knowledge is power but only when it comes with understanding. Of course I understand but I am not for sure what to do with it. I must forgive and release – which I think I have done in the past but obviously I have not. Or can one forgive but still the sting of the hurt make it feel like I have not? Did God rescue me through those that sought to destroy me? If this is true then I surly will discover what I should be doing.

“The way you see yourself and feel about yourself will have a tremendous impact on how far you go in life and whether or not you fulfill your destiny.” This is a great quote by Joel Osteen.

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