What Could I Have Done Differently?!?

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“You are being set up for failure”, he said as he slipped the noose around my neck. “Oh no way, no one would do that ” was my response. Little did I know the truth in what my attacker told me. And I died on that dreadful night all alone just as I am now.

You see I have always been a 100% person. I love 100%. I serve 100%. I give 100%. I care 100%. I trusted 100%. I am 100% faithful. I am 100% honest. I am 100% trustworthy. After all Scripture teaches us whatever we do, do it wholeheartedly as unto the Lord, Right?!? This is who and what I am, why would someone do that to me? Incomprehensible! I was every leaders dream, if I said I’d do it, it was as good as done, and exceptionally done at that. I always scored in the upper bracket anytime I took leadership test or any other test for that matter. Why would I be murdered in such a ruthless way and by someone I know and completely trust.

But it did not end there I was abandoned, thrown out like trash, left for the vultures to devour. And the truth of my demise was hidden from all and a lie was told in it’s place. And there was nothing I could do about it, I was beyond down for the count. I was dead.

How could I have prevented this from happening to me? I have pondered this so many times and the only comfort I am able to give myself is that I couldn’t. The person who sought to destroy me walks free and I live in fear.

I thought one was my protector but I think somehow he was digging my grave and I did not realize it. I think that is what my attacker was telling me that day. The very one who I thought had my back was revealing my vulnerabilities to the enemy. I thought that one was a friend and co-laborer.

And now I walk around afraid, hiding, running, angry at times, not wanting to lead anything or anyone, a broken vessel beyond repair by human hands and I just can’t get this noose off my neck. I cry out for help but there is no answer. And the one who murdered me took my position and still has it to this day. And everyone loves him but they do not know the truth about him. And this widow is left to deal with it all alone.

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