It is funny Peter is saying that they have LEFT (Mark 19:28) everything to follow Christ but I lost everything because I followed Christ. Makes my heart break. What a great price we pay to be followers of Christ more than anyone in the world realizes. It is a serious matter when someone decides to become a Christian because the cost is very great. It is no small thing to make a commitment such as this.
I found that now I live a very lonely and sad existence even though I try extremely hard to be happy. I know happiness cannot be found in anything but Christ but I can’t believe He wants us to live like this when he gives us personalities such as I have that are very outgoing. The emptiness and void I now feel is so difficult to comprehend.
Then again it was at the hand of man that I am in the spot I am in. I don’t believe it is God’s doing or in God’s will that I am in the place I currently find myself. I have always been able to separate the actions of man and the actions of God. This was the hand of man that has all but destroyed me to my very core.
I am having a tremendously difficult time overcoming all that has happened to me since my husband’s death. Depression knocks at my door daily sometimes hourly and even moment by moment. I battle and war against it but I am so battle weary and it is getting much harder to stay the faith.